Roots Run Deep

I have started planning Jace's dedication ceremony. This affair is bringing about so many thoughts about things I've never had a reason to think about. Things like what it is important for me to publicly commit, in covenant with God, to giving my child. I've started asking myself what that day means to ME, although it is a day set aside for Jace to be given back to God. I believe the dedication is equally as important for me because it is the beginning of that "covenant" relationship, where I take vows of sorts, regarding what I understand my role in his life to be. This is just as important as a wedding in my eyes; except that I am "marrying" my son :-).I am sure I will be writing about my discoveries regarding this sacred day, over the course of my planning, because what I see now is that even in this I am unveiling parts of the "gift" that came in the form of a son.

Today I visited a possible venue; a chapel, and I envisioned Jace being lifted high in the air with his face toward heaven. I heard words of thanks and praise, of celebration and life, of love and commitment. I saw smiles and tears and beauty. I felt proud and honored and determined. I don't know if here is where the event will be held, but I'm certain the place is a chapel; because that is the only place I can get the image I saw in my mind's eye today. So I said goodbye to my desire for an outdoor ceremony, but with very good reason!

Tonight I initiated a conversation with my mom about my expectations as they relate to the elders and ancestors in our family. I'm clear that I want Jace to know the stories that make up the fabric of our family history. I not only want it to be engrained in him who's who; but I want him to know the spirit of each person recounted. I want us to begin recognizing when and how the spirits of those who have gone before us not only influence our lives, but when and how they continue to live on through us. For example, I have been the free spirit who will up-and-move thousands of miles, knowing no one, for the purpose of a dream. When I look around me in my family, I don't see that type of energy readily apparent. But tonight, as I shared my expectation with my mother, she began to tell the story of how, at the age of 9, my grandfather hopped the rear of a freight train with his brother and "hobo'd" from Louisiana to Texas to start a new life. They would ride all day and sleep in the woods at night, after which they would hop a new train the next morning, exploring all the cities with stops along the way. This was just one of his exploits, as there were others, but ultimately on this one they met my great-grandmother at a boarding house, and that was the groundwork laid for the beginning of our family.

Now I realize that when I moved to New York City to pursue my dream, not knowing a soul, it was my grandfather's spirit in me that rendered me fearless. I imagine he was looking down at me saying, "There you go Chauncy! (as his love language was to call me by any name other than my own) you can do it!" I believe he petitioned the angels in a way that only a free-spirit could, to protect and guide me. While I was there I used to pray to God to send the Arch Angel Michael to protect me...but tonight I believe there were times when God lovingly and kindly sent my Papa in Michael's place.

So with that said, one of the things I want us all to be committed to doing for Jace, as a family, is to give him the gift of stories. I want us to pay close attention to his spirit, in order to recognize who he is drawing from and whose spirit is influencing him. Then, where it is positive, I want us to nurture that. I want to be able to see my own spirit within him, and nurture the best of it. This gives life to the legacy of those gone and those still here.

Today's experience was the revelation that my son, while individually unique, is made up of those who paved the way for me, those I've loved and lost, and those who walk beside me now. He is also made up of me. That makes him pretty special because HE is how we all live on. And I want him to know when he is pulling usefulness from beyond himself so that he will make the best of every moment, never giving up, forging ahead to further the family's collective mission. This, I believe, will give him a holistic view of who he is. It will offer him confidence for why he is who he is. It will help him see that he carries the dreams of his forefathers on his back, along with him, wherever he goes. It will give his life deeper and richer meaning to know that his roots run deep.

I am excited about the dedication and cannot wait for the creative elements to unfold. I just know it will be one of the most important planning endeavors of my life.

Today's firsts: Jace's first time on a college campus. His first time in a chapel. His first time riding in evening rush-hour traffic.

Mommy highlight: Jace was such a pleasure to hang out with today. He made the day easy and fun. We did it with ease and when I returned home I felt as though we had shared something really special, that no one could ever know fully, except us.