I know I am bombarding the web-waves with freebies and such, but I am just now combing through my emails (and sadly seeing where I missed out on some awesome deals, grrrrrrr). For instance, there is an Old Navy coupon below, that I could have used last Saturday when I spent upwards of $110 shopping for my little ninja, tsk tsk tsk. Lesson learned….stay current on my bargain emails!!! So, because I am behind, you will see that some of these things expire today:-/ … Sorry, I promise to do better. Hopefully some of you will still be able to take advantage of them. Well, enjoy reading through…there’s some good informational resources as well. Many thanks to my friend Yolanda for all the wonderful info!
LITE-UP TEXAS (Gexa Energy): LITE-UP TEXAS is back. The Low Income Electric Discount Program will run May 2011 through August 2011. For additional information and program requirements you can call 1-866-454-8387 or go to the Public Utility Commission of Texas website at http://www.puc.state.tx.us/ocp/assist/liteup/index.cfm
Free Customized 10x13 Wall Portrait from Sears Portrait Studio - No Session Fee. Sears Portrait Studio is offering a free customized 10x13 wall portrait now through March 31st. There is no session fee required and no purchase necessary. Just print out the coupon and take it to a Sears Studio near you.
b.Click on “Shop Now”, and select any baby carrier you like. Be sure to go to the sizing page to get the correct size.
c.Once you have selected your size, you’ll automatically be directed to the “shopping bag”. Enter the promo code “TEXAS” and they will deduct 100% of the cost of the carrier – all you pay is shipping fees!
Free Information Kit with final wishes planner from Physicians Life Insurance Company, call 1-800-238-5979
National Engineers Week Celebration at the Children’s Museum of Houston - The 60th Anniversary of National Engineers Week is this week and you are invited to celebrate this weekend, February 26 and 27, at the Children’s Museum of Houston .Take part in some popular engineering projects using everyday activities, such as Paper Tower , Engineer Word Search or Engineer Take Over, where you can work hand in hand with real engineers in a variety of fun, hands-on engineering activities sure to spark the imagination. Visit the Children’s Museum of Houston website for more information.
FREE Legal Advice - The Houston Bar Association offers free legal advice over the telephone through legalLine, a public service program on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month, between the hours of 5 p.m.-9 p.m. Licensed volunteer attorneys answer legal questions and direct callers to additional resources for assistance.
CALL: 713-759-1133 / Learn more about the community services of the Houston Bar Association at www.hba.org
One of the things I love most about motherhood is having Jace remind me of the things we take for granted as adults. It not only allows me to see God in a loving, creative and sovereign way; but it adds some spontaneity to my life. It teaches me what the all-too-famous, yet hard-to-understand cliché, “stop and smell the roses,” means. We took a walk outside today, much like we usually do; me on foot and him in the stroller. All of a sudden, from behind, I saw him sit up straight and his head going very quickly from side to side. I leaned forward to look at him, and his face was the most intense that I had ever seen it, still going from left to right with wonder. I stood up and looked around…nothing…I saw absolutely nothing. We rolled on, only for him to do the same thing again. I looked again…nothing. We continued on. Why is he doing it again!!? It just doesn’t make sense! I leaned forward, looked him in the eye (although he never looked back at me) and followed his eyes with precision. The only way, though, for me to see clearer was for me to kneel down and align myself with his eye-line. When I did that, I saw it, I saw it! And I smiled…then I laughed. So what was it? Well, he was in sheer amazement at the leaves running down the street, with the wind at their backs…hustling and bustling, barely touching the ground. They looked like kids racing, playing and laughing. Well, at least that’s what I saw. He saw members of nature rustling, making sounds foreign to his little ears, dancing a jig that his eyes have never seen…and he was utterly captivated…something we should all be at God’s marvelous, artistic and entertaining creation. There are so many opportunities for us to have heart-lifting moments; get a smile without having to give anything in return; or be reminded that there is a sovereign creator who thought of everything we would need to be reminded that He created it all. We often miss these opportunities, busied by things that seem far more important…and in doing so, we miss God.
Today I stopped and smelled the roses. Well, I knelt and watched the leaves; but the end result was the same. I had a splice of spontaneity added to my day, a nice quick dose of dancing leaves that brought a huge smile to my face and a chuckle to my voice. Before that, I was simply walking…and thinking…and doing what I usually do, very routinely and quite mundanely. And before I knew it, after a little exploration and determination to see what caught the attention of a fascinated babe…I found it…God, running on the ground right before my eyes, telling me to stop, look, and listen…to take a moment to run and play and dance. And I did. I grabbed the handles of the stroller, ran down the street so Jace could feel the air on his face, and inadvertently I felt the air on mine. Boy, have I missed what it feels like to marvel at something. He laughed…and I laughed…and we laughed. And that was a special moment. Thank you, Jace, for that lovely and easy and heart-lifting reminder. Mommy needed that!
If you’re like me, you can stand all the deals you can get :-) So…here are more goodies, freebies and coupons! As I said, I try to check them out to make sure they are still valid. Every now and then I may miss one. If you find that something is not working or invalid, please post a comment to let us know. If any of the hyperlinks don’t work just copy and paste the URL into your browser. Thanks much and enjoy the savings!!
1.Free Starbucks Coffee @ Barnes & Noble on 2/26 w/Guided Nook Color Tour
3.FREE Kleenex Sneeze Catcher Kit – Includes Shirt, Hat, and More!
Sign your kid up to get a FREE Kleenex Sneeze Catcher Kit. The kit includes: Member ID card, Sneeze Catcher Hat, Sneeze Catcher T-Shirt, Activity Book, Kleenex® Brand Pocket Pack of Facial Tissues, Facial Tissue holder, and Coupons.
To get the kit answer the questions, enter your email address. Then check your email and click on the link to request your free kit!
5.Joyce Meyer Ministries is offering FREE upon request, Enjoying Life Encouragement Greeting Cards…These greeting cards will offer a right-on-time word of encouragement.
6.Hope you still have your Sunday Houston Chronicle...if so, check out the bottom of page A24...Coupon for FREE (up to $1.39) one (1) 2-liter bottle of Sun Drop (Reg. or Diet).
7.Please come and join in for line dancing classes @ St. Mary's Catholic Church, 3006 Rosedale @ Ennis, at the cottage building every Tuesday from 2:30 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Have fun while working out! 4 info call 832-260-3111. Instructor: Victoria Carriere-Peterson
14.Chipotle Coupon: Buy One, Get One Free Burritos, Burrito Bowls, Tacos, or SaladsSpend about a minute and a half watching (or pretending to watch) the video, and you will be able to print out your coupon at the end. Bring the coupon into your nearest Chipotle by March 3rd, and enjoy twice the meat and tortilla goodness.”http://coupon.fanappz.net:8180/promotionappz/watchVideo/coupon
16.Free Pair of HEAROS Ear Plugs - Just enter your email address and select your choice of Original HEAROS, Xtreme HEAROS, or Sleep Pretty in Pink, then fill out the short form to request your free sample pair of HEAROS ear plugs. http://www.hearos.com/index/trial
I have a friend who sends out weekly (sometimes daily) bargains of all kinds. I am going to try to share them with everyone as often as I can. Read below and see what works for you. I will try to check all the links and info for accuracy before posting but I can't promise I will have time to. So if you ever try one and find discrepancies, please let me know so I can make the modification. Enjoy!
1.For a limited time only:
a.Family Fun 10 issues/yr (up to 3 yrs) New or Renewal, only $1.99 per year (or 20 cents per issue)
Family Fun magazine dishes up crafts, recipes, party ideas and more. Enjoy boredom-defying activities in over 180 splashy, colorful pages. Geared toward parents with young children, this energetic magazine promises to enrich the lives of families.
b.Parents 12 issues/yr (up to 5 years) New or Renewal, only $1.99 per year (or 17 cents per issue)
The leading family magazine for parents offering proven tips, sure-fire techniques and straightforward advice form America's foremost childcare experts.
We accept all major credit cards, check, money order and PAYPAL. - NO DEBIT OR GIFT CREDIT CARDS PLEASE!!!
2.Free “Txtng Kills” Thumb Bands - Order up to five "X the TXT" thumb bands for those you love to remind them - and help spread the word - not to text message while driving. Visit http://xthetxtstore.com/. Please be sure to visit us on Facebook for updates, events and more at facebook.com/XtheTXT.
3.How To Get A US Customer Service Representative Quick!!Any time you call an 800 number (for a credit card, banking, insurance, you name it) and are transferred to a representative (like in India), please consider doing the following:
After you are connected and realize that the customer service representative is not from the USA (you can always ask if you are not sure about the accent), please very politely say, "I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the United States of America."The rep might suggest talking to his/her manager, but, again, politely say, "Thank you, but I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the USA." You will be immediately connected to a rep in the USA . It only takes less than one minute to have your call re-directed to the USA .
Note from someone who used the service: When I got redirected to a USA rep, I asked again to make sure - and yes, she was from Fort Lauderdale ...
Imagine if every US citizen who has to make such a call requests a US rep, imagine how that would ultimately impact the number of US jobs that would need to be created ASAP. Imagine what would happen if every US citizen insisted on talking to only US phone reps from this day on.
If I tell 10 people to consider this and you tell 10 people to consider doing this - see what I mean...it becomes an exercise in viral marketing 101.
Remember - the goal here is to restore jobs back here at home - not to be abrupt or rude to a foreign phone rep. If you agree, please tell 10 people you know and tell them to tell 10 people they know....etc...etc...
Bring Jobs Back to USA photo courtesy of www.wikihow.com
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I know I have been M.I.A. and with good reason, I'm a new mommy in the learning curve of a lifetime, remember?! :-) Seriously, though, I have been mommy-ing it up while trying to get back in the swing of work and life. All the latest haps will take a whole other blog post, but for now I need to scream out to cyber world that I AM IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT HOMEMADE CHAI SPICE, to make my daily chai tea latté in my very own kitchen at the start of every day.
I teach college, and I recently had coffee with one of my students during my break, where I ordered a soy chai latté, which I have not had since I lived in New York over four years ago. Just the thought of sipping on this warm handful of deliciousness took my senses on a much needed vacation! Oh my goodness! So I indulged, and closed my eyes for a spell as I gave in to this totally unexpected (yet very welcomed) sensory extravaganza. Boy oh boy was I the happiest person on the planet in that moment! So happy that I had one the next day, and the next, and the next. Thank God for the gift card that had been sitting in my wallet for months. But it finally ran out, and I shelled out the 4+ bucks for the drink. And, well, that was the last one I had. For some reason I just can't justify forking over 4 dollars to Starbucks daily the way I have done in the past. I mean, I just can't see that now. Perhaps I've outgrown the commercial feel of a nice cup of love. I like the feeling of a personal cup of something-hot, that makes me feel like I am having a rendezvous with something unique, made with care just for me. At commercial establishments like Starbucks, I feel the same as the next person...kind of like I am sharing my lover with the world, ya know? This part machine, part human made beverage that tastes exactly the same everyday, and that crosses a cold counter with such routine-ness, that it in no way seems especially made for me. Maybe I'm asking for too much...well, no I'm not! I want my hot-ness to myself and that's what I will have :-) So...I put my researching skills to use, in search of various chai latté recipes and techniques; and put that Starbucks money in the gas tank and headed to the north side, in search of an herb and spice store for ingredients.
My feet landed in Lone Star Culinary Spice Market, where I wanted to lick the walls it smelled so good! This place had every herb and spice you could conjure up. If I had hours to spare I would have spent them there, and possibly even spent the night. That's how heavenly it was. So, there I was able to buy everything I need. I got all the ingredients from all of the recipes that looked worth trying. That way I would not have to go back after every attempt.
This variation was a bit too strong. The fresh ginger, along with the crystallized ginger, made the drink too, well, gingery. The drink did not give me the taste I am looking for. So... tomorrow I will experiment again. In the meantime, if you believe you have, or know of, the perfect chai spice recipe, please post it here and I will give it a try!
I am finding that many recipes only list the ingredients and not the amounts. I suppose this is because everyone's tastes differ widely; however I need the amounts to at least give me a starting point. I am not familiar with how to pair these particular herbs and spices, or how they even work together, so I need as much guidance as possible. With that said, amounts and methods are greatly appreciated!
So...I hope to be sipping, well slurping (as I am supposed to do, according one Indian site I found), my perfect chai tea latté soon and very soon!
This morning I prepared to enter into some thinking time on my commute to work, when I felt the inkling to turn on the radio. It was on Gospel station 92.1 and Yolanda Adams had just begun her daily meditation. She said November would be a month of learning how to pray and today was the first installment in that series. Among the many things she said was, “God does not want us to practice failure. He wants us to practice success.” She went on to elaborate saying that God does not release certain things to us because of our lack of readiness. I thought about my feelings on this. I used to hate when people said God withheld things because we weren’t ready. I think that was because it felt like more of a personal critique than something I could bring myself to swallow.
Interestingly though, now that I have a child I was able to take a new perspective. I could instantly recall my visit to Babies R’ Us on yesterday, where I slowly walked down every toy aisle, in search of toys that indicated they were for children starting at 6 months. I had previously bought Jace a couple of toys, and very excitedly so, on which I paid absolutely no attention to the clearly labeled age minimum. I got the toys home and noted within seconds of giving them to him that they were put straight into his mouth. Now, this is not what these particular toys were for. I mean, I had brought home a fancy laptop/story book combination, and a story book that if you press the buttons it would read the pages aloud for you. These things were certainly not for eating! So I found myself spending quite a bit of time taking them from him, and then trying to manually position his hands to hold them properly and then explain (in a language he doesn’t yet understand, mind you) how the toys are to be used and how invaluable they are as learning and advancement tools. I jokingly said to him, “Well I guess you’re not as advanced as I thought you were.” But I seriously said to myself, there is a reason they put the age minimums on the toys, smarty! LOL!
When Yolanda made her statement this morning, I laughed aloud as I recalled the example of the toys. While I saw many things on yesterday that I would love for Jace to have, I had learned from my previous experience that he just wasn’t ready. More importantly, it was not because I do not love him; or because I don’t think he is quite brilliant for his age; or because I am the mean old mom. It was because mentally and physically he just has not developed to a place of readiness for the things I wanted to give him. His mind cannot comprehend how they are to be used. He does not even have language available to him yet that would allow him to ask me any questions he might have. His muscles are not yet strong enough to hold them properly. His coordination (the little he has) is so new that it has not evolved enough to serve him in areas that require more than what he knows to this point. His current behavioral habit is to place things in his mouth. He needs things that foster that; to soothe his ailing gums and that allow him to learn and feel various textures. The problem was not him; it was me. I was trying to meet a need that he does not yet have. And so I believe this is how it is with God.
There are many things He wants to give us, but in His loving wisdom, He only gives us what we are mentally, physically and spiritually able to handle at the time. Isn’t that what a caring parent does…one who pays attention and desires that their child develops naturally, thoroughly and in order? That’s just who God is. And like Yolanda says, he sets us up to practice success and not failure. To have given Jace those toys and expected him to get the full benefit of them would have been unwise on my part. Where are those toys now? Well, because Jace kept the book in his mouth, the pages started to tear (even though they were thick cardboard). So they’ve been tucked away in a box since that very day, waiting for him to grow into them. This makes me wonder what God has tucked away in the toy box for me. What does He have waiting for me that He is waiting for me to grow into? I'll bet there are some good things in that box!! It also helped me to see that there are things He will withhold from me until I am ready for them. Now I know that is not punitive. In fact, it is nothing less than loving.
With that new perspective, I can look around my life as it stands, for the “toys” that are lying around. I can set my mind to the things I have and am able to master right now, and not the things I do not have or desire to master in the future. I have to accept that my spiritual muscles are still developing; my mind is still expanding to incorporate language and understanding that I do not yet have; and that my body is strengthening to be able to accommodate my future calling. And when it is time, as I am able, things will come my way…but not a moment sooner.
The most significant “toy” (albeit very real) I have in front of me right now is my son. That is something I was obviously ready for that was released into my possession. It is also something I have to grow into, although I don’t foresee mastery in the plan ;-) … He is the most major part of my current life. And as sure as he is, there are other things around for me to use in my growing efforts that I likely take for granted; and it is my responsibility to find them, use them and master them, or I will not be advancing to the next stage any time soon.
In the meantime, I wonder what's in my toy box ... okay, okay I will stay focused on right now ;-)
Being a new mommy one of the hardest things for me to do is EAT. This is a real challenge because ordinarily I absolutely LOVE food. Since having Jace I have struggled with my diet because I am breastfeeding and he apparently has some food allergies, meaning it is MY diet that takes the hit. Until we know for sure what's on his no-eat list, mommy must sacrifice. My pre-pregnancy weight was 115 pounds. My post-pregnancy weight is 101 (after having gained 5 pounds). First, I have been under a tremendous amount of stress; and second, Jace is just now getting to where he will give me just a few minutes to eat (hence the weight gain - thanks Jace!). So with that, I NEED TO EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN.
Jace is also NON-STOP. For example, today he took one nap for 30 minutes and another for 10 minutes...this is since he woke up this morning...and he is STILL going strong, fighting his sleep, and I am playing trade-off with my mother for both our sanity's sake...talk about exhausting! So, one of the things I am working really hard on is finding ways to squeeze meals into the seemingly impossible schedule he keeps. This means having as much as I can prepared ahead of time; things I can put together in a matter of minutes or snacks to grab and go. One of the quick energy snacks I have fallen in love with are these homemade granola bars. I love granola bars and never had I considered making my own. But I did, and I can honestly say I will never turn back to any store-bought granola bars, ever.
Below is the recipe I found online at www.allrecipes.com. It is fabulous! I use it as a foundational recipe to which I add things like flax seed, dried papaya & mango, cranberry, raisins, varying nuts, coconut, chocolate chips, my list goes on. Periodically I make some substitutions to see just how healthy I can get with it (whole wheat flour instead of white, a little less sugar, etc.). The bars come out thick, while nice and chewy. I love being able to reach for something quick, healthy and tasty. And I love the idea of making things at home that I used to rely solely on the grocer to provide. So, here's the recipe. If you test it out, let me know what you think; and let me know if you come up with any interesting substitutions I can try. I love experimenting. Bon apetit!
Playgroup Granola Bars
You will need:
* 2 cups rolled oats
* 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/2 cup wheat germ
* 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1 cup all-purpose flour
* 3/4 cup raisins (optional)
* 3/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 cup honey
* 1 egg, beaten
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
To create your granola bars:
1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Spray your baking pan/dish with a pan spray. The original recipe calls for a 9x13 inch baking pan. You can customize this recipe by creating fun shaped granola bars with specialty pans. For instance, you can make granola shaped like cupcakes or bake it in a character pan for fun.
3. Mix oats, brown sugar, wheat germ, cinnamon, flour, salt, and raisins . At this time you can add additional items for personal taste. Common granola bars items include: nuts, coconut, chocolate chips for a treat, peanut butter for protein, and even dried fruit will make fun items for variety.
4. Make a well in the center, and pour in the honey, egg, oil and vanilla.
5. Pack the granola mixture into the pan and distribute the mixture evenly in the pan or add to cupcake liners if you prefer.
6. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes. Remove the bars when they begin to turn golden at the edges. Cool for 5 minutes, then cut into bars while still warm. Do not allow the bars to cool completely before cutting, or they will be too hard to cut.
People have always thought I was strange because I love going to the doctor. Not for the medicinal aspect of it, but for that feeling I get when I get a diagnosis that explains something I have not been able to figure out about what’s going on with my body; or after hearing, “you’re going to be just fine” if I’ve gone in for an ailment, or simply receiving a nice clean bill of health. Ahhhhhh. I always walk out of the doctor’s office feeling as if I’ve been given a new lease on life. There’s usually a bit more pep in my step, optimism in my spirit, confidence in my soul. Weird, I know, but it’s true.
Today was my first well-woman exam since having Jace in March. There was to be nothing out of the ordinary about this visit. I called my OB/GYN’s office and set up an appointment, plugged it in the calendar on my Blackberry and called it a day. Now it was one hour before time for me to make the journey to my doctor’s office. This was to be the typical gynecology appointment, you know, complete with the plush bed, silk gown that opens in the front, fuzzy slippers to keep your toes warm as you place your feet in the stirrups, the twice-warmed and flexible speculum; oh and the complimentary cup of tea with a homemade crumpet to relax you during this long-awaited spa day. Yeah right! Okay, so that’s not quite what it’s like, but if you’re a woman you know I’m only slightly off ;-)
So I looked at the clock and realized time had gotten away from me, as I stood at the kitchen counter chopping and storing fruit to make my daily smoothie preparation easier. I hurriedly finished the fruit job, rushed to grab everything I needed to leave the house, kissed Jace goodbye, jumped in the car, and hit the road, all with very little time to think. As I approached the doctor’s office I felt my entire body tense up in a way I had never felt before…at least I thought. My heart started racing, and I felt this light tingle in what seemed to be every nerve in my body, really. I was caught off-guard by this random occurrence. This was a full-blown panic attack. I mean why would I be having a panic attack going to the gynecologist? Without delay, I immediately let my defenses down and no sooner than I did, it came right to me. I was instantaneously reminded of the weekly exams while in the hospital, pregnant with Jace.
On October 2009 I was diagnosed with vasa previa. “Vasa previa is a rarely (1:2500) reported condition in which fetal blood vessel(s) from the placenta or umbilical cord crosses the entrance to the birth canal, beneath the baby. The condition has a high fetal mortality rate of 50-95% (www.ivpf.org).” In laymen’s terms, there was a blood vessel along Jace’s umbilical cord, carrying his blood; that should have been encased inside the cord, instead it was totally exposed. This meant that any puncture or excessive amount of pressure could have caused the exposed vessel to rupture and interrupt the flow of blood from me to Jace. If this were to happen, it would have taken only approximately three minutes for him to bleed to death.
“When vasa previa is diagnosed, elective delivery by cesarean before labor begins can save the baby's life (www.ivpf.org). So…I was admitted to the hospital at 28 weeks due to pre-term labor. With the stakes being so high in the event of a rupture, my doctor demanded that I be admitted to the hospital immediately (after I had to advocate, but that’s a whole other entry), so that I could be under 24-hour watch and close to the ER in the event the unfortunate happened. I often described it as having a time bomb inside my body, and that in and of itself is a form of torture. I was in the hospital just under seven weeks, on complete bed rest with restroom privileges only. This was to keep me from over-exerting myself in any way that could cause undue pressure on the vessel. It did not help that the entire time Jace was head-down, with his head sitting “right on top of the vessel.” There were days my doctor stressed over whether we should deliver because it seemed he could cause his own demise. There was the constant desire to keep him in the oven as long as possible, but at the same time trying to make sure he came out alive.
Every Monday morning between 6-7AM I had a vaginal exam to determine how things were progressing with my cervix and to monitor Jace’s positioning on the vessel (it was because of that I had two exams per week for about a month). Because of the vessel, no speculum could be used, but the transvaginal ultrasound with color Doppler was used along with the good old finger exam. There are no words to describe the utter fear that would rush through me every time I had to have an exam. I was petrified each and every time that the blood vessel would rupture in our efforts to be proactive. I would tense up so tightly that the exams were extremely painful and I would, within seconds, go from talking and laughing with the doctor and ultrasound tech to both my eyes filling with tears, simply because I was scared. I have never known fear like that. I had never been in a real life/death situation; and this one played out second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day after day, month after month…with fear in tow. I am a Christian, with a very personal relationship with God…so I did all that any bible thumper would tell me to do…cast my cares on him, not to worry, be anxious for nothing, etc. But I also know that our expectations are often different from the plan of the Divine. I realized that the outcome could go either way. It all depended on what was written in the book of life for me before my life ever began. There was no way I could know which experience God would so ordain for me; to lose the baby he created inside of me, or to leave the hospital with my son in my arms. So I did not fear the vessel as much as I feared not knowing God’s plan. Thankfully, in the end, Jace was born safe and sound and eventually I did walk out of those sliding doors with him at my side.
So, fast forward to today…the panic attack…the sense memory manifesting in my body. It was the fear of that entire ordeal revisiting me. It may sound strange, but I felt as if that vessel was sitting right where it was in March, ready to explode. My body assumed the position it had held for so many weeks; one of tension and anxiety, as I prepared to experience another “exam” today. I thought about being a no-show, but I needed to get the new prescription for my prenatal vitamins since I am still breastfeeding. I had no choice. The dread and panic stayed with me the entire time. Throughout the entire exam my body felt the same as it did lying on that bed in the hospital all those times we had to do our weekly “check in.” Interestingly, even as I type, I feel as though it is still there...lurking.
It was quite a revelation to see how trauma really works. When you are in a crisis situation, you do what you have to do to survive it. While you focus on the matter at hand at times, you don’t focus on what it is actually doing to you in your inner being. In fact, I don’t think that’s something we can know because we have not yet completed the experience, nor have we had time to assimilate to a different experience afterward to be able to begin putting it in context. Experiences shape us; it’s just what they do. I don’t believe any experience is exempt. Every experience has some effect, whether we ever know that effect or not. Once a trauma has passed, we usually try to “get over it.” At least that’s what most people tell us to do. And so we get over it. But one way to see what that experience has done to us in the innermost crevices of our being is to come face to face with a similar experience again. Sense memory kicks in and if we are able to move into a position of “participant observer” we can begin objectively assessing the damage. That’s what happened to me today. Since having Jace I rarely speak of my experience in the hospital. In many ways it’s like it never happened. I mean life kicked in, I had a new baby, a new life, and all of my attention was demanded in each and every day, so I could not appropriate thoughts to the past in any significant way. But today was another story. It was but a moment in time; but it was a moment monumental enough for me to see the state of my inside self. My heart has raced at times I have typed this post. The panic came back; it went; it came back again, because no matter how much "getting over it" I do, that experience affected me in ways yet to be seen or known.
I witnessed enough today to know that the trauma of that experience was/is real. And God is gracious enough to be holding it at bay so that I can attend to the beautiful son he blessed me with, and so that my healing can take place slowly and surely. What I believe God did today was allow me to see the work He is doing on my behalf. He is literally holding back panic and anxiety on a daily basis, so that I can be free. It’s nothing less than His love for Jace and me. Today was a reminder that God wants the best for us, and that He is always on our side working to give us just that. It took my mind to the scripture "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthian 12:9).” Today was certainly a weak moment, yet His power was perfectly sweet and gentle and strong. I got through the appointment. I got what I needed for Jace. And I got a revelation that will last me a lifetime. How’s that for staring trauma in the face?
Today’s Mommy-Noteable Moment: I awakened this morning with Jace’s legs intertwined in mine. After untangling us, I attempted to roll over to grab my cell phone in order to check the time. I couldn’t budge. I turned on the light so that I could see what was going on. That's when I noticed that one of his arms was under my top and the other was lying on top of part of it. I just stared at us for a moment and smiled. I thought to myself, “you won’t be this small always; you won’t want to be this close to me always; and this exact moment will never happen again.” It was sacred. And I am thankful that on this day, you and I were tangled.
Sunday 9/12/2010 started out as a typical hot and smoldering September day in Houston. It later turned into an extremely dark, cloudy, thunderous, lightening-filled, storm-threatening evening…the kind of day I absolutely LOVE. It was time for Jace and my evening walk, but surely I wasn't going to take him out in weather like this? Oh, but how could I not? It was the kind of weather that made me tingle inside. It was gloomy, clouds were rolling in and out, the wind was blowing, leaves rustling. A perfect day. And yes, I most certainly was going to take Jace out in this weather, so he could share one of my moments with me.
We slowly strolled up and down the street, feeling the wind, listening to the thunder, being startled by the lightening. All of a sudden, I looked up and saw the image seen in the picture above. It was a sky full of dark gray clouds, with just a small portion of snow white clouds peeping out from behind them. That’s not all…the sun cast an ever-so-bright glare onto the white cloud, illuminating it against the midnight sky. It was unbelievable. It looked unreal, like something from an issue of Life magazine. Now this was some of God’s most amazing artistry. All I could say was, “Jace, look!” as I stared in amazement.
The first thought that came to mind after I took in the beauty of the imagery was, "that's life, sitting right in the sky at this very moment." It went from being a beautiful sunny day, to one of the darkest and scariest stormy days we’ve seen this season…all in a matter of moments. But what was so profound about the image in the sky, almost as if God allowed it to happen in slow motion so we could “get it,” was that the sun and the beautiful full clouds never left. They were always there. They were just covered up by the other darker, more transient clouds. And just because those clouds rolled in, with all their thunder and lightening to boot, nothing could erase what was behind them, sheer beauty. What’s more, I got to see that the “beauty” was far more stable and long lasting than the other. It just was. It sat there, in its majesty, never moving.; yet seemingly being overtaken by something far less attractive in comparison. But once the storm subsided, I looked up, and there they were…the sun and the puffy white clouds, as if to say, "Oh no, we're not going anywhere."
This was a powerful lesson. It was a moment in time where God used art to teach me, through illustration, what it meant to have my beautiful life overtaken by storms. He showed me that the beauty was still there; that it had never left. He told me that the threat and sound of the storm were enough to make me run for cover, but that the most stable thing, in spite of it all, is really the beauty. Sometimes it fills the sky, and other times it only peeps through, but is it always…always…there. I just have to search for it.
This let me know that I am on the right track as I search for the beauty in this gift called Jace. But it now expands to all of my life. Storms come on all fronts, as they certainly have in my life in the recent months. But this artwork was God’s way of nudging me to say, “Daughter, I believe there is enough beauty peeping through in your life now where you can see it…take a look.” And as the day and night progressed, I did just that. Quietly and even subconsciously, I searched, and I found beauty. Things that were unsightly, just one day prior, had transformed and had become beautiful. Not all things, but some…enough for me to see that there really was something peeping through, with just a bit of a sunshine glow. Powerful.
THEN I saw a new sky (heaven) and a new earth, for the former sky and the former earth had passed away (vanished). And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, all arrayed like a bride beautified and adorned for her husband. Then I heard a mighty voice from the throne and I perceived its distinct words, saying, See! The abode of God is with men, and He will live (encamp, tent) among them; and they shall be His people, and God shall personally be with them and be their God. God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away. And He Who is seated on the throne said, See! I make all things new. Also He said, Record this, for these sayings are faithful (accurate, incorruptible, and trustworthy) and true (genuine) [Revelations 21:1-5, Amp].
So, I am recording what I saw, because it is faithful and true…He who is seated on the throne will make ALL things new. And boy, am I glad for that!
Photo courtesy of Listfied.com
Today’s “Mommy-Notable Moment" – sharing the fullness of a brewing storm with Jace. Feeling the elements and observing the change in the earth as we prepared for a shift in nature. Having this most welcomed and beloved sensory experience with Jace for the first time goes down as one of our best moments together. And I am grateful.
